Anything Worth Doing

Anything worth doing is worth doing scared. It’s an inspirational and comforting message that can be found on the walls of schools and offices. Maybe you’ve seen it while scrolling through Instagram or Pinterest. I don’t remember where I first saw the saying, but for some reason, it was the mantra that kept looping through my mind during my yoga class this evening.

Side note- before I attended class, I found myself writing a rather negative and pessimistic piece about how paralyzed I feel and the decisions that led me to where I’m at in life (posted and deleted about 10 minutes later upon further reflection). It was quite sad and self-deprecating. The words that found themselves spilling onto the screen were more than deserving of several eye rolls. Though it will likely never see the light of day, if anyone is curious about its contents, a good old-fashioned ‘Whoa is Me’ is a sufficient summary of the 700+ word catastrophizing essay. Nonetheless, they were feelings that needed to make themselves known, and as I layed with tears streaming into my ears for the first 15 minutes of class, they did. For the remainder of class I let my mind meditate on the phrase and see what thoughts it conjured up. These are a few.

Fear is supposed to be a survival tool. It’s supposed to keep us alive. But what if -pretentious warning- it keeps us from living. We innately know through millions of years of evolution that if we’re scared of something, it means we need to protect ourselves. How many of our dreams are hindered by our own “self-protection”? If we don’t have people pushing us to face our fears, it can be exceptionally easy to avoid perceived but illegitimate dangers. So many of us are scared to make fools of ourselves, scared to abandon responsibilities, and in my case, scared of failing. At one point, I found myself weighing the fear factor of different outcomes. Would it be scarier to go for what I want and absolutely fall on my face in front of friends, family, and strangers or wake up at 43 living a life that I loathe with my mind space being taken up by the constant ‘what if’? Neither outcome sounds appealing, but living knowing I gave it my best shot and moving on to the next thing seems a hell of a lot better than fearing the sound of my alarm every morning. On the brighter side, the other ‘what if’ is what if everything works out exactly how I hope. For the sake of myself, those around me, and the law of attraction, we can stick to believing this is the more likely fate.

In some cases, fears are amplified by those around you. They can point out what could go wrong, how you need to set yourself up for the future, and emphasize that the way to do so is to play it safe. I feel lucky to have people in my corner who have always expressed a belief that I can do anything I put my mind to and that I am more than capable of reaching my dreams. For some reason, they often seem to believe it more than I do. It’s been a consistent point of self-reflection and a note about self-reflection- more often than not, what’s staring back can be truly hard to stomach. For me, recognizing I’m the only thing holding me back has been a tough pill to swallow. An even tougher obstacle to overcome has been trying to figure out how in the world to get myself to move out of my own way. How does one prime themselves to throw caution, insecurity, responsibility, etc to the wind to attempt what will truly make themselves happy? How do you rip out the guard rails and convince yourself that you’ll survive if you end up falling off the edge?

If you trust the universe enough to jump, it will provide you with both opportunity and a safety net. I believe there’s a catch - you have to have faith in the universe that things will come together in order for the universe to have faith in you as well. If you don’t have that faith, why would you be sent opportunities to move your path along? The universe truly has an unlimited budget if you’re bold enough to ask for what you want and then act upon it when she delivers. But again, you have to have the faith to act on those opportunities. Me? I’m working on that faith, both in the universe and in myself.

I write all of this as someone who lives with persistent fear. Fear that’s hindered me in almost every facet of life. Fear that’s led me to feel frozen and not know which way to go or what next steps to take. It’s manifested as self-doubt, avoidance, anxiety, pessimism, and many other forms. So I have to ask myself- what are you going to do about it? No one else can solve the problem. Sure, there can be support from people, but the only person truly capable of changing my life for the better is me. I’m the only one who can get over my fears, and if I can’t get over them, at least get through them in order to reach the next hurdle. That’s the funny thing about fear. The more you face it, the harder time it has keeping a grip on your life. So, I’ll be taking baby steps. My fear facing today is going to be posting this writing publicly (scary) and then sharing it so it’s actually visible (scarier). While it may not seem like a feat to some, it will be a feat for me. Baby Steps.

And in an attempt to wrap this up cohesively…

If you’re afraid of making or doing things imperfectly, anything worth doing is worth doing badly. In The Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron proposes the theory that when it comes to ideas, sometimes the gunk has to flesh itself out in order for the good stuff to flow. The faucet has to be on to run itself clear. Sometimes you’ll have to write 40 bad songs for 1 good, 25 ugly sketches for 1 drawing, 6 clunky essays for one cohesive. You get the picture. Good comes from the bad. Even the worst idea can contain a golden element that becomes a career defining piece of work. You never know. So if you think something is worth doing, do it badly and do it even if you’re scared.